Dark

Hush little baby don’t you cry

Momma’s gonna buy you a . . .

The eerie lullaby floated out over the camp again.  I had lost all ability to discern whether it was real or merely a figment of my broken imagination.  I twisted fitfully in my cot again.  I was supposed to be happy I wasn’t on night duty, but the sweet air of the night tortured me.  It wouldn’t let me sleep.

. . . and if that bird don’t sing

Momma’s gonna buy you a diamond ring . . .

I draped my arm over the side of the cot, exposing it to the dry cool air of the desert night.  I reached under the bed and found the cold metal there.  As my hand brushed against the cool steel, the singing abruptly stopped.  I grabbed my flashlight, clicking it on and swinging it around the quiet tent.

“Shut that fucking thing off Lee, some of us are trying to sleep in this hellhole.” A groan rose from a nearby cot.

“Sorry Oz” I clicked it off, rolling it across the floor under my bed again.  I shifted onto my back, staring up at the canvas of the tent.

. . . hush little baby . . .

“Get UP you idiot.” Oz stood over me, shaking me violently, in full combat gear.  His helmet shook almost comically on his head and I smiled.  I could hear a faint fizzing coming from outside.

“Why good morning my dear Oz, making me bacon all dressed up?”

“You fucking shithead, get dressed.  Now.  Unless you’d like to be eating goddamned sand for breakfast.”  He quickly shifted away and I shot my legs out from under the rough field blanket.  The fizzing got louder, and I pulled my combat boots on.  In the field you were required to sleep in your desert fatigues, so I strapped on my vest, grabbed my pack, and wrapped my holster around my right thigh.  Everyone had left the tent already and I could now hear their shouts outside.  I ran outside, my boots still untied.  Oz was bent over on the ground, and the fizzing was coming from some strange box on the ground.  I starting rushing towards him; and he turned and shouted to me.

“Lee, no . . .”

And then the sky opened up.

Hush little baby don’t you cry . . .

I was floating.

I was falling.

Fuck.

Jesus.  Fuck.

The ringing wouldn’t stop.  Everything shook.   At first I thought I was blind, than I realized my eyes were still screwed shut.  I peeled open my eyelids, my head still vibrating and ringing just like a post-concert migraine.  The dust was still settling, but I could see Oz sprawled prone on the ground.  His left arm was gone.  He had been resting it on the fizzing thing when it went.  I shouted his name, but nothing came out.  I could hear the vibrations, but I couldn’t hear the shouting.  I started to my knees, and screamed as my right leg buckled under me, all my weight on it as I tried to rise.  I looked down and saw the gaping wound on my right thigh.  I collapsed to the ground and started breathing heavy.  The shock was wearing off and I tried to resist the urge to hyperventilate.

Jesus.

Jesus-fucking-Christ.  Goddamned SONAFBITCH.

I knew I was saying them but I couldn’t hear them.  Only think them.  My hand rushed to my thigh.  As I felt the warm blood start to seep across the cracks in my hands, suddenly the fizzing started again.  Louder.

Shit.

Again.

Black.

Hush little baby don’t you cry

Momma’s gonna buy you a mocking bird.

Thursday

So I heard.

So I heard you like the rain.

So I heard you like roast beef sandwiches.

So I heard you like Lost.

So I heard you like Moondance.

So I heard you like flannels.

So I heard you like moisturizer.

So I heard you like tennis.

So I heard you like econ.

So I heard you like me.

Heh. Not sure why I wrote that. Whatever. Thursday was fine. I woke up at around 8:30, decided I didn’t want to go to physics, so I took my time in my shower. Realized I had a UTI. I’m kinda prone to those anyway, so it’s no big deal, I’ll be over it in a few days. Got in my shorts and tank, and went to my trumpet lesson. Had an excellent day of lounging around, sans class dress. Didn’t go to lunch, went to fool around in wind ensemble. I actually like A Night in Tunisia a lot. It’s by far my fav jazz tune.

Then went rowing. My back is so fucked up I can’t really row the way I want to, and I’m going to have to take that erg test on Monday. Plus I want to be stroke and Beth ends up getting it for Saturday . . . whatever. I’m too small to be doing this sport anyway. They say size doesn’t matter but that’s bs. Especially in rowing.

And Womanizer comes on again, I swear, this song has come on EVERYTIME I start my iTunes. It’s almost annoying at this point. Since I’m feeling creative today and realized I’d already done all my homework, I’m going to write some stuff and work on my personal narrative for War Novels. That’s going to be an interesting project. Not sure how personal I want to be, and the epigraph I chose makes the essay somewhat awkward. I’ll post it here when I’m done, but it’s not due ’til Monday, so I’m way ahead of my usual paper schedule, which involves doing the paper the night before. I’m sorta worried about skipping physics today. I really don’t wanna get APs for that and a lot of people skipped today so he mighta noticed. Not sure, whatever, I don’t have enough to get Strictions anyway.

Guess that’s enough. I’ll post some of the stuff I write tonight up here. Good evening darlings.

Wednesday

Hmmm.  How explicit . . . Okay, not at all, I draw some lines.  Last time I posted was Monday . . . so what’s happened since then.  Rowing Monday was . . . agh.  Lol, no words to describe it.  We did the Green & White Regatta, meaning we had mixed 8s and we raced against each other.  The problem was Marly was sick, so we were down a girl, so they brought up a girl from novice.  That didn’t work.  Haha.  Someone who has never rowed before cannot be expected to do a full power race, let alone 3 in a varsity boat.  First one, we crushed, but then they switched the novice into our boat for the next two pieces, and we got crushed.  They ended up calling it a draw at the end of the day, so no one is getting their name on the trophy I guess?  Iunno, I wasn’t concerned.

Went up to NMH on Monday, had a lovely evening as always.  I’ve been actually doing work lately, which is weird.  Mostly because Ed has work, and I do it while he does it.  Otherwise I never devote time to do it at all haha.

Latin never really takes time, but I usually at least glance at it.  War Novels is so easy, I actually enjoy doing it.  We usually just read and then write some journal entry or another, it’s not hard at all.  Calculus is just boring.  Just plain boring.  I usually do other work in there or text haha.  Physics is just sad now.  I don’t know what to do but I don’t wanna ask him what I should be doing . . . so iunno.  I guess I’ll just ride out the year.  I can do that.  I’m into college and I just don’t care anymore.  Wind ensemble is fun, A Night in Tunisia is a great song, and I’m sooo excited we’re finally playing it.  I’m a little worried about my huge ass solo, but I’ll manage fine.  Most of it is written out, and just a few bars of improv.  It won’t be bad.

Tuesday another second visit day.  Happy those things are over.  I only had ONE second visit day person in ALL of my classes.  Which was sorta weird.It was in wind ensemble.  Poor kid, had to sit through Four Brothers.  That song is just brutal.  It’s too fast for the saxophonists really, and the brass line is just dumb.  Rowing that day was depressing.  Beth is gonna get 3rd boat stroke and I’ll probably be 4th boat stroke.  I was thinking about quitting crew before and now it’s really getting serious.  I might just say I’ll go coxswain or quit.  I’m too small to row really, but I’d be a good sized coxswain.  I’m just a bit on the heavy side.  I mean still, 118lbs is not heavy.  I guess I’m tall.  There’s not a lot I can do about being shorter.  I’m not sure what I’m gonna do about that.

Today was okay.  Had an interesting night and morning, but, it got a lot better this morning.  The evening was fantastic.  And now this morning, it’s even better.  This weekend is just gonna blow.  I also got out of the erg test today, I’m so excited.  I could NOT do that today.  I’m just sore and tired and NO.  We have a technical row after and I have a really good boat though, so I’ll be good.  I’ll just do the test on monday, after our row on Saturday.  So exciteddddd.  NMH meettttt.  Gonna kick ass, as per always.  Just gotta look like an idiot in my uni . . . not sure how I feel about that.  I’ll manage.

I’m also freaking tan.  I love it.  Just wanted to let you all know.

Au revoire darlings.